Me: “Have you brushed your teeth yet?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “No.”
Me: “Well, go do it right now, mister.”
DM: “Hey, where is the toothpaste?”
LMT: “I don’t know. I couldn’t find any.”
Me: “I thought you brushed your teeth?”
LMT: “Sometimes water is good enough.”
Me: “Uh… No.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I can play the piano with my eyes closed. Someone guide me to the piano.”
Me: “You know, you don’t have to close your eyes until you get to the piano.”
LMT: (long pause)
LMT: “I need a guide dog.”
Me: “The dog is right next to you. Grab her collar and hold on tight. I’ll throw some popcorn over by the piano and you’ll get there in a jiffy.”
LMT: “Sure!” (grabs dog’s collar)
Wonderful Wife: “Uh… Do we really think this a good…”
(popcorn is thrown, dog drags girl across living room)
(stunned silence)
LMT: “That was awesome!”
WW: “If we had filmed that, we would be famous.”
Me: “I love my life.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Dad, which are you best at… reading, writing, or math?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “He’s really good at reading.”
Me: “Aww, thanks, honey.”
LMT: “Especially reading on his phone at the dinner table even though he tells us it’s wrong, making him a big hypocrite.”
Me: …
Very Vocal Viking 