Home Worked Up

4 pm
Me: “Welcome home from school! Any homework tonight?”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

5 pm
Me: “Looks like you’re having fun. If you have homework, you could do it now.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

6 pm
Me: “Almost dinner time. If you have homework now would be a nice, calm time to do it.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

7 pm
Me: “Getting late. You should do any homework you might have.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”

8 pm
Me: “OK, bed time. Last chance to do homework.”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”
Me: “Really? Are you sure? You really don’t have homework?”
Child: “Nope! I don’t have homework today!”
Me: “OK, let’s get you tucked in for the night.”

8:22 pm
Me: “Why are you back downstairs? I already tucked you in.”
Child: “I just remembered I have homework. If I don’t turn it in tomorrow, I have to repeat the fifth grade. Oh, and we need sixteen pounds of sugar, a handmade broccoli costume, twenty-seven strings of yellow Xmas lights, and a live moose.”

Quick Study

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Dad, this bonus math problem is tough. Can you help?”

Me: “Sure, Son. Whatta we got?”

DM: “The circles at the corners of the triangle have to add up to the sides of the triangle that they touch. Also, the number in the middle has to add up to each corner it touches. One side is 15, one is 18, and one is 21. How do I figure that out?”

Me: “Oh. Uh. Wow. Well, let’s call the four number spots A, B, C, and D. So we know that A + B = 15, and B + C = 18, and what is that…OK, so C + A = 21. So, I guess that means… wait… but the middle one is D… so…”

DM: “It’s 6, 9, 12, and 9.”:

Me: “Wha… huh?”

DM: “That’s the answer.” (putting away the paper)

Me: “Where did you get the answers?”

DM: “I just looked at it and those numbers made sense. So I wrote them down and they add up right.”

Me: …

Me: “Son, you’ve got a really powerful brain, do you know that?”

DM: “Does that mean I don’t have to do homework?”

Me: “No, but it means you can be anything you want to be when you grow up.”

DM: “I want to be a grown up that didn’t have to do homework when he was a kid.”

Nice Chatting With You Son

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I made up a game today. What type of animal do you want to be: feline, canine, marine, reptile…”

Me: “No, wait. No game yet. I’d rather talk first.”

DM: “Talk about what?”

Me: “About your day.”

DM: “Like what?”

Me: “I don’t know. Who’s your best friend? What are you studying lately? How much homework do you have? What’s your favorite thing that happened today?”

DM: “Ben, the Civil Rights Movement, a lot, Recess. Now, what type of animal would you like to be: feline, canine, marine, reptile, bird, human, or marsupial?”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “Canine.”