Wonderful Wife: “The boy is going to his first school dance tonight.”

Me: “Whoa! What? Should I have a talk with him? Yes, I need to talk to him. What if a girl asks him to dance? Does he know how to slow dance? Or fast dance? He’s growing up so fast. I’m not ready for him to have his first kiss or anything. This is too soon. So much we need to talk about.”

(deep breath)

Me: “Hey, Son…”

(boy runs up)

Me: “So, my boy. Are you excited about the dance?”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “No. I’m hoping me and the guys can have a pickup soccer game or something. Why, did you want to talk about something?”

Me: “Nah, we’re good. Have fun tonight.”