Hug It Out

Me: “Hey! Come here.”

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “Do I have to?”

Me: “Yes, I want to give you a hug.”

LMT: “OK. Sure.”

(she stiffens, arms at her sides)

Me: “What’s wrong, kiddo? Do you not want a hug?”

LMT: “I guess I’m not in the mood.”

Me: “You know, it’s your body. You get to decide who gets to touch you, and when and where. Only your Mom and I and sometimes Doctors get to make any decisions about your body, and that’s only while you’re young. And I promise we don’t do any of that unless it’s absolutely important for your health and safety, like when you’re sick. Otherwise, you are the one and only boss of your body. You don’t have to hug anyone if you don’t want to. Ever.”

LMT: “Not even you and Mama?”

Me: “Nope. Not even me and Mama.”

LMT: “Good! Now I’m in the mood for a giant hug!”

Me: “Yay! How nice! I’m really glad that makes you happy.”

(she makes a grand gesture of swinging her arms wide around to my back)


LMT: “Thanks, sucker!” (runs off giggling)

Me: “That was nice, except for the sucker part.”

(long pause)

Me: “Wait a… Hey! Where’s my wallet!?!?”

LMT: (hysterical giggling from the other room)


Me: (tiny cough)

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “I think you’re sick.”

Me: “I’m not sick.”

LMT: “I think you have that one disease.”

Me: “I’m afraid to ask.”

LMT: “You have P-new-mommia.”

Me: “Do you mean pneumonia?”

LMT: “No, it’s P-new-mommia. You have to go pee… with a newspaper… and Mama!”

(so much giggling)

Me: …

You are the Weiner

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Why are they called hamburgers? They aren’t made of ham.”

Me: “I believe they’re named after Hamburg, Germany.”

LMT: “Check it on Wikipedia.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Wikipedia is not always correct. Be sure to verify the sources.”

Me: “Yes, says here the name comes from Hamburg. Also, frankfurters are named after Frankfurt.”

DM: “Huh? What’s a frankfurter?”

Me: “Thats an old-fashioned name for hot dogs. Also, the word ‘weiner’ comes from the German pronunciation of Vienna. Have you guys ever heard of weiners?”

(so much giggling)

Me: “I guess I walked right into that one.”