He Means Everything

Me: “Make sure you get some fruits and veggies in addition to the General Tso’s chicken. It’s a buffet but we still need to get fruits and veggies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I will. I just love General Tso’s.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought you’d grow out of it eventually, but you’re still loving it. I’m going to start calling you General Tso.”

DM: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because you are what you eat.” (snicker)

DM: “Really? Then why don’t we call you Everything?”

Vikingology 101: Chinese Food

It is a well established historical fact that Vikings have always loved Chinese food. Since the beginning of their history, these fierce warriors have been known to indulge in the fare every chance the get, with a particular focus on General Tso’s Chicken, potstickers, and those chicken-on-a-stick things.

In 1844, a team of scientists from the British Museum found and transcribed a large number of ancient runic documents found at a Viking picnicking location very near Stonehenge. Most of the papers found in the archeological dig turned out to be bad viking love poetry, roughly scrawled “to pillage” lists, and napkins smeared with soy sauce. However, the discovery of crude lists of Chinese meal descriptions and corresponding prices was the first of its kind. It also finally confirmed that Vikings had invented the earliest form of Chinese take-out.

[For historical accuracy, the Editor would like to mention that the Chinese didn’t care much care for the early model of Viking “take-out”, and are much happier with the more modern interpretation.]

While certainly not historical “fact,” to this day many people believe that it is very stealthy Vikings that slip those carry-out menus under your door when you’re not home.