Written All Over Me

(rural liquor store)

Clerk: “You heading into Indy?”

Me: “Why yes, I am.”

Clerk: “You heading to Gen Con?”

Me: “Actually… yes! How perceptive of you. Do I just have that look? I mean, I know sometimes people say I look like a viking, and I really enjoy…”

Clerk: “You’re wearing a shirt that says Gen Con.”

Me: (looks down at shirt)

Me: “Oh. Right.”

(long pause)

Clerk: “Have fun storming the castle.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(walks out)

Size Matters

Me: “Good morning. Is this where you sell convention t-shirts, here at the registration desk?”

Nice Registration Lady: “Yes it is! Would you like one?”

Me: “Yes, please. I’d like to buy a 5XL, or as I like to call it — Viking Medium.”

NRL: “So then what’s 4XL called –Delicate Little Flower?”

Me: “I like that. I like that a lot. You’d make a Badass Lady Viking.”

NRL: “That’s the 3XL.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “You just really get me.”