Stabbing Pains

(wrestling)

(WOMP)

Me: “Ow! What was that?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “My elbow.”

Me: “Then no more elbows.”

(WOMP)

Me: “Hey! I said no elbows!”

DM: “That wasn’t my elbow.”

Me: “Then what was it?”

DM: “My fist.”

Me: …

Me: “That’s worse than an elbow.”

DM: “You didn’t say no fists.”

Me: “I didn’t say no knives either, but that doesn’t mean you can stab me with a giant knife.”

DM: …

DM: “What about a small knife? How big is giant?”

Me: “NO STABBING.”

Dead Asleep

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I need to sleep with you tonight.”

Wonderful Wife: “No, back to your bed.”

LMT: “But I don’t sleep well in my bed!”

WW: “Just this morning I asked you how you slept, and you said OK.”

LMT: “Yeah, only OK. That just means I didn’t die.”

Letter of the Law

LMT: “Can I play that game on your phone?”

Me: “No, we’re at Grandma’s house to see Grandma, not play on phones.”

LMT: “I want to play that app.”

Me: “Let’s try the app called ‘Talk To Grandma’.”

LMT: (waves at Grandma) “Hi.”

Grandma: “Oh hello, Honey. What classes are you taking in…”

LMT: (looks at me) “Can I play on your phone now?”