Sick

Me: (tiny cough)

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “I think you’re sick.”

Me: “I’m not sick.”

LMT: “I think you have that one disease.”

Me: “I’m afraid to ask.”

LMT: “You have P-new-mommia.”

Me: “Do you mean pneumonia?”

LMT: “No, it’s P-new-mommia. You have to go pee… with a newspaper… and Mama!”

(so much giggling)

Me: …

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Humdinger

Little Miss Thing, age 7: (singing loudly) “OH SUSANNA! DON’T YOU CRY FOR ME! CAUSE I COME FROM ALABAMA, EATING JUNK FOOD ALL FOR FREE!”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “That’s not how it goes.”

(giggling)

LMT: “Second verse, same as the first! Little bit louder, little bit worse! OH SUSANNA! DON’T YOU CRY…”

DM: “PLEASE STOP SINGING THAT SONG!”

(long pause)

LMT: (humming)

DM: “Please stop humming that song!”

(long pause)

LMT: (whistling)

DM: “Please stop whistling that song.”

(long pause)

LMT: (tapping rhythm) (giggling)

DM: “Please stop tapping out that song.”

(long pause)

LMT: (snapping fingers) (giggling)

DM: “Please stop snapping your fingers to that song.”

(everyone giggling)

(long pause)

LMT: (wiggling chair to make it squeak rhythmically)

DM: “Please stop squeaking that song.”

(much giggling)

(long pause)

LMT: (leaves and returns)

LMT: (playing toilet paper tube like a kazoo)

DM: “Please stop playing that song on a toilet paper tube.”

Me: “OK, you gotta give her credit for creativity.”

(much laughter)

(much love)

Egging Him On

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Dad, why did the Easter Bunny leave the Easter eggs?”

Me: “Actually, it’s an interesting history. Easter originated as a pagan holiday that was appropriated from ancient worship of Oester, goddess of fertility. Her symbols included rabbits and eggs, which has morphed into the odd concept we know today as the Easter Bunny.”

DM: “Nope. The correct answer is because the Easter Chicken was too chicken.”

Me: …

Me: “Oh, so you were making a joke.”

DM: “Yeah, and you were WAY OFF.”

Me: …