That’s Not Right

(Dog farts.)

Me: “Dog, you stink.”

(Dog farts again)

Me: “Dog, if you don’t stop farting, I’m going to duct tape your butt closed.”

Boy: “Daddy, that’s not right. Don’t duct tape her butt closed!”

Boy leaves the room and comes back, holding up a circular object.

Boy: “Let’s use masking tape instead.”

She wins

My Oldest, age 13: “Let’s play a game where we go around and each add one line to a story. I’ll start. There once was a beautiful princess with long flowing brown hair.”

Friend, 13: “One day, the princess met a beautiful prince, and they fell madly in love.”

Litlle Miss Thing, age 4: “And then someone farted inside a marshmallow.”

(pause)

Me: “Game over. She wins.”

They’ll sleep eventually

Yelling up the stairs…

Me: “There’s entirely too much ruckus up there! You were tucked in over 20 minutes ago! Not another peep!”

(long pause)

Little Miss Thing, age 4: “Daddy?”

Me: “What?”

LMT: “I think a fart just came out of my mouth.” (so much giggling)

(long pause)

Me: “Go. To. Sleep. NOW.”

(Fake snoring noises)

Me: “I give up.”