(at restaurant)
Tiny Boy, maybe age 3: “Mommy, he’s really tall! Look, Mommy! He’s really tall!”
Mommy: “Yes, he is. Now let’s concentrate on your food.”
TB: “He’s really tall. He’s really tall. Is he a giant? Is he a giant?”
Mommy: “I’m so sorry, sir.”
Me: “No, I’m not a giant. But when I was little, I ate lots of veggies and they made me extra big and strong. Do you eat vegetables?”
TB: (nods, eyes wide)
Me: “Good. Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up big and strong like me.”
TB: “I will.”
Me: “Let’s try something different tonight.”
My Oldest, age 15: “Nope.”
Me: “Awww, why not? We can’t always go to the same three restaurants.”
Oldest: “Uh. Yes we can.”
Me: “Where’s your spirit of adventure?”
Oldest: “There’s a reason we go to the same three restaurants. They’re good. If you want to try Uncle Stinky’s Barbeque & Foot Spa, do it on your own time.”
Me: …
Me: “That place sounds awesome.”
Oldest: “And… there’s your problem.”
Me: “Please don’t eat any of those crackers.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “OK.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “OK.” (cracker dust sprays)
Me: “Uhhh… Do you have a mouthful of crackers?”
LMT: “Mmm… no.” (cracker dust sprays)
Me: “Then what’s in your mouth?”
LMT: “Mmm… just air.” (cracker dust sprays)
Me: “Then why does it smell like crackers every time you talk?”
LMT: …
LMT: “It’s cracker flavored air.”
Very Vocal Viking 