Tag: DM

Odd Piñata

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Me: “Let’s have eggs for dinner.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes! And refried beans. And hot sauce!”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like refried beans.”

Me: “OK, no refried beans.”

DM: “I call dibs on your refried beans.”

Me: “You can’t have hers. We’ll just make something else.”

DM: “But I called dibs on your beans.”

Me: “I’m going to dibs you upside the dibs.”

DM: “I called dibs on your dibs ad infin-AH-tum.”

(long pause)

Me: “That phrase is ‘ad infinitum’, and since when are you slinging Latin phrases at me?”

LMT: “It sounded like Odd Piñata to me.”

Me: “No, it’s ad infinitum, and it means something lasts forever.”

(long pause)

LMT: “Can I still have an Odd Piñata?”

Beefy

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Danger Monkey, age 10: “Your beef stew is delicious, but it has too many vegetables.”

Me: “Vegetables are part of the soup. It’s yummy. Eat up.”

DM: “This should be called Vegetable Soup with a tiny bit of beef.”

Me: “Actually, wiseguy, it’s got plenty of…”

DM: “I’m going to make Beef Stew that’s just one kernel of corn and the rest is beef and delicious broth.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “As your father I’m supposed to correct you, but I would totally eat that.”

Totally My Fault

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Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can we order dessert?”

Me: “Uh, no. This meal is not nutritious enough already. I got wings, you got chicken fingers, he ordered a cheeseburger, and we’re all eating fries.”

LMT: “Pretty please?”

Me: “No, you ordered lemonade. That’s basically a dessert.  Also, we have ice cream at home. I mean, look — none of us have eaten anything even resembling a fruit or veggie tonight.”

(long pause)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “What if we order some fruits and veggies? Then can we get dessert?”

Me: “This is not that kind of place. They don’t even sell fruits and veggies.”

LMT: “Well, it is called Buffalo Wild Wings, not Veggie Palace. You should have known better when you brought us here.”

Me: …