Parenting is the proud realization that your 10 year old son is old enough to feed and water the dogs in the morning without supervision.
Parenting is also walking through the house an hour after the kids got on the bus and hearing the water still running in the bathtub with the dog water dish under it.
Oh well. Progress is progress.
Me: “Hey! Who left the back door totally open? The air conditioning costs money, you know!”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Sorry. I forgot to close it.”
Me: “Please try harder to remember in the future. It really does cost money.”
DM: “OK. Sorry. I’ll go close it.”
Me: “No, I’m closer. I’ll close it for you. And, actually, it’s starting to rain, so I’ll just go out and put the cover on my grill real quick.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “In your UNDERWEAR?”
Me: “Sure, why not?”
LMT: “You can’t go outside in your underwear!”
Me: “We live out in the woods and hardly anyone can see our back deck. And what’s the difference between boxer shorts and swimming trunks?”
LMT: “I think it’s a really bad idea.”
DM: “Yeah, Dad. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Me: “Well, guess what. Just to clear things up around here, I’m the Dad and I’ve been around the block a time or two. I think I can make this type of decision for myself. Trust me, it’s not as big a deal as you think. But thanks for your input and your concern.”
Me: (steps outside)
(door slams behind me, lock loudly clicks)
Me: “Uh…”
(much laughter behind the door)
(so much laughter)
(mass hysterics)
(long pause)
(rain starts to fall)
Me: “I really should have seen that coming.”
(wrestling)
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Hold him down while I try to tickle his feet!”
Me: “I’m not ticklish.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I’ve got his arms, you get his legs!”
Me: “Help. Help. I’m totally pinned.”
LMT: “I can only hold one leg.”
DM: “I’ve got both his arms, but I think he’s just letting me win.”
Me: “And now… the tickling!”
(tickling)
(much tickling)
(much laughter)
DM: “Oh gross! Your breath smells like potato chips.”
Me: “You know, for a kid who eats raw onions…”
LMT: “Of course his breath stinks! This is Dad we’re talking about. Don’t get distracted. ATTACK!”
(pounce)
(much tickling)
(much laughter)
(much love)
Very Vocal Viking 