Danger Monkey, age 10: “What are you doing?”
Me: “I’m making a dry rub.”
DM: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s a yummy mix of brown sugar and some spices that I’ll be literally rubbing onto a rack of ribs here in a couple minutes.”
DM: “Whoa, ribs for dinner! Cool!”
Me: “Wanna help make the ribs? I’ll teach you everything I know.”
DM: “Nah, but I’ll help eat it. I already know how how to do that.”
(sits down at hotel restaurant)
Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”
(still standing)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”
Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”
DM: “Meh.”
LMT: “I hate this place.”
Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”
DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”
LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”
Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”
(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)
Me: “… syrup.”
(at tuck-ins)
Me: “OK, son, it’s time for lights…”
Danger Monkey, age 10: (lying still, eyes closed)
Me: “Oh, I see he is already asleep.”
DM: …
Me: “He’s definitely not faking sleep. He’s definitely really, really asleep.”
DM: …
Me: …
DM: …
Me: …
DM: (cracks smile)
Me: “Very few people smile in their sleep, you know.”
DM: (eyes pop open) “Dang it. I always fall for that.”
Me: “Fall for what? I was just staring at you.”
DM: “Yeah, but I KNEW you were staring at me.”
Me: “You’re not a very good faker, and that’s OK.”
DM: “I know.”
Me: “Besides, your little sister does enough faking for the entire family.”
DM: “She really does.”
Very Vocal Viking 