Tag: DM

Papered

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Me: “Hey… Whats the deal with the writing all down the inside of your leg? That looks like a whole paragraph.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “It’s the rules for the new role playing game I’m creating.”

Me: “OK, that sounds cool, but why write on your leg?”

DM: “I ran out of room on my arms.” (pulls up sleeves)

Me: “Good god, son. That’s a lot of ink. Why are you writing all over your skin?”

DM: (puzzled look)

DM: “It’s the only paper that’s always with me.”

(long pause)

Me: “Can’t argue with that. Carry on.”

King Solomon on Laundry

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Me: “OK, OK… stop arguing. At this point, I don’t care who said what. I just need the hallway cleared. Is there — or is there not — stuff in the hallway between your rooms?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, then, who does it belong to?”

DM: “Not me.”

LMT: “Not me.”

Me: “Good! That makes it easy. Let’s gather it all up and give it to charity.”

DM: “I’ll do that right now!” (runs off)

LMT: “DON’T YOU DARE THROW AWAY MY THINGS!!!” (runs off)

Me: …

Me: “I win.”

Big Help

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(at tuck-ins)

Me: “Hey, I’m thinking about writing a book that centers around a giant Viking Dad and all the crazy things his kids do.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Cool. Will I be in it?”

Me: “Well, I’m thinking of making the family in the book kind of like our family but not exactly like our family, so that people can tell the difference between the book and real life.”

DM: “Like how?”

Me: “Actually, I’m thinking in the book the Viking Dad will have an older daughter and a younger daughter, but instead of one son, he’ll have two twin sons, both 10 years old.”

DM: “Hmm… Will they look like me and talk like me?”

Me: “A little, but not really. They’ll be fictional. I’m thinking one will love to be out in the woods and make forts, but the other one will just stay inside and read and play video games.”

DM: “That’s perfect! That’s like my two sides because I like both those things!”

Me: “Yeah, exactly. I thought you’d like that.”

DM: “Can the woods boy live in a tree house he built himself?”

Me: “That’s an option, I suppose. Really for now I’m wondering if you can help me come up with names for those two boys.”

DM: “Yes! Name them Shade and Shadow!”

Me: “Uh…”

DM: “No… even better – Blaze and Knight!”

Me: “I was thinking more like, uh, Roger, and maybe, you know, Timothy, or something.”

DM: (long pause)

DM: “l think you’re going to need a lot of my help, Dad.”