(at dinner table)

Wonderful Wife: “You need to use your fork on the spaghetti, not your fingers. We don’t eat with our hands.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Nope.”

WW: “That wasn’t a question. A better response would be, ‘Yes, Mama’.”

LMT: “No. I don’t feel like it.”

WW: (glaring)

Me: “That was strike two. If you don’t respond appropriately to your mother, there will be serious consequences.”

LMT: “Like what?”

Me: “Like… losing all your electronics for a day.”

LMT: “I don’t care.”

Me: “OK, wiseguy. How about losing electronics for a week?”

LMT: “I don’t care.”


Me: “Hmmm. Then I guess I’ll have to take away that new stuffed animal you bought last…”

LMT: “Sorry, Mama. I won’t do it again.”


No Chill

(dinner table)

Me: “I have a chore for someone.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Not me.”

Me: “It’s kind of important.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “What is it?”

Me: “My email tells me a special package for Mom has been delivered to our mailbox. I’m hoping one of you will go get…”

DM: “I’ll get it!” (runs out front door)

Me: “… it after dinner.”

Me: …

LMT: “He didn’t even finish dinner.”

Me: “Your brother has no chill.”

LMT: “No chill at all.”