Eat Your Words

Me: “Let’s get junk food. How about… twinkies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “How about something a little healthier?”

Me: “Healthier than twinkies? That’s almost anything. Can you think of anything LESS healthy than twinkies?”

DM: “Um… gravel?”

Me: “Trash.”

DM: “A flaming sword.”

Me: “OK, so let’s compromise and get… cookies.”

DM: “How about apples?”

Me: “What?”

DM: “Maybe some kale?”

Me: …

Me: “You are no longer my son.”

DM: “Yay! Now you can’t give me chores!”


Good Will and Stuff

My Oldest, age 13: “I hate even thinking about snow until after Halloween because then we’re all about Christmas, which is all about snow and presents and cookies. And… you know, love and good will and stuff.”


Little Miss Thing, age 4: “Can I have a cookie for breakfast?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

LMT: “Can I have… three?”

Me: “No!”

LMT: “Can I have… one hundred and one?”

Me: “You are either horrible at negotiating, or brilliant at it. I’m not sure yet.”