He Means Everything

Me: “Make sure you get some fruits and veggies in addition to the General Tso’s chicken. It’s a buffet but we still need to get fruits and veggies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I will. I just love General Tso’s.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought you’d grow out of it eventually, but you’re still loving it. I’m going to start calling you General Tso.”

DM: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because you are what you eat.” (snicker)

DM: “Really? Then why don’t we call you Everything?”

Oh I’m Sure

(arriving at Chinese buffet)

Young Hostess: “How many in your party tonight?”

Me: “Just me, but I promise to eat a lot.”

YH: “Oh, I’m sure.”

Me: (chuckle)

YH: (eyes wide) “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like… I wasn’t saying that you’re…”

Me: “It’s OK. I thought it was funny.”

YH: “Oh, thank God. Some people are really sensitive about stuff like that.”

Me: “It’s all good. I’m not sensitive like that.”

YH: “Good. You don’t look sensitive at all.”

Me: “Well, it’s good to know I don’t look sensitive.”

YH: “Oh God! I did it again! I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “It’s totally cool. I didn’t take it the wrong way.”

(long pause)

Me: “Can I have a table?”

YH: “Oh, right. Follow me.”

Great Taste Buffet

You gotta try Great Taste Buffet. Much higher quality food than most mid-size buffets, and the deep fried pork chops are AMAZING. Also, I am currently the third largest guy eating here right now, so… clearly they have the Big Man vote of confidence. — at Great Taste Buffet.

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