Got an Eyeful

Wonderful Wife: “Time to get your school backpack cleaned out. Let’s get it all put away. Everything in its place!”

(furious digging)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Oh! I’ve been looking everywhere for this.”

WW: “What is it?”

DM: “My eye patch.”

WW: “Does that really belong in your school backpack?”

DM: “No.”

WW: “So… where does it go?”

DM: “Over my eye.”

WW: …

Written All Over Me

(rural liquor store)

Clerk: “You heading into Indy?”

Me: “Why yes, I am.”

Clerk: “You heading to Gen Con?”

Me: “Actually… yes! How perceptive of you. Do I just have that look? I mean, I know sometimes people say I look like a viking, and I really enjoy…”

Clerk: “You’re wearing a shirt that says Gen Con.”

Me: (looks down at shirt)

Me: “Oh. Right.”

(long pause)

Clerk: “Have fun storming the castle.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(walks out)