Hidden Ranch

Me: “You have to eat some broccoli.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I HATE BROCCOLI!”

Me: “It’s the only veggie option at this restaurant, so you have to have at least a couple bites.”

(long pause)

LMT: “Can I dip it in ranch?”

Me: “Uh… Sure.”

LMT: (noisily scarfs two large servings of broccoli with ranch)

LMT: “I love broccoli! Can I have some more?”

Me: (blank stare)

Me: “Why did we never think of this until now?”

Wonderful Wife: “I’ve used that trick for years.”

(long pause)

Me: “I have only myself to blame.”

 

Snarft

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I don’t like tofu.”

Me: “You love edamame, and tofu is just edamame that’s been mushed up into bars. Plus there are peanuts and peppers and broccoli… you won’t even notice the tofu.”

DM: “I guess I’ll try it.”

(SNARF)

Me: “Well, you’re eating it pretty fast. What’s your favorite part?”

DM: “The tofu.”

Killer food

The irony will kill you: I drove past numerous fast food restaurants to go inside Marsh and hand-make myself a healthy, delicious chef salad for dinner. Lean turkey, broccoli, spinach, hard boiled egg, peas, cheddar cheese and a little ranch. I choked on the fifth bite and almost died. Tomorrow, back to burgers and pizza. I have too much to live for.