Me: “Let’s get junk food. How about… twinkies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “How about something a little healthier?”

Me: “Healthier than twinkies? That’s almost anything. Can you think of anything LESS healthy than twinkies?”

DM: “Um… gravel?”

Me: “Trash.”

DM: “A flaming sword.”

Me: “OK, so let’s compromise and get… cookies.”

DM: “How about apples?”

Me: “What?”

DM: “Maybe some kale?”

Me: …

Me: “You are no longer my son.”

DM: “Yay! Now you can’t give me chores!”