Category: Wisdom

Career Coach

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My Oldest, age 15: “I’ve decided I want to have my own business when I grow up.”

Me: “That’s a great goal. Why are you driving so slowly here? It’s 55. You can go faster.”

Oldest: “I’m not sure what type of business yet.”

Me: “There’s plenty of time to choose an area of expertise. Careful… Careful… The road gets really narrow up ahead.”

Oldest: “Maybe I’ll go to business school.”

Me: “Watch out for that guy in that little red car… OH NICE TURN SIGNAL JERK FACE!!!”

Oldest: “Are you OK? You’re not even the one driving.”

Me: “Whatever. You know, I’ve always dreamed of owning my own business.”

Oldest: “Really?”

Me: “Maybe I’ll open a driving school for all these bad drivers.”

Oldest: “I… uh… I don’t think that’s suited to your skillset.”

Blurty Blurter

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Wonderful Wife: “How was school today, Son?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “He went to the…”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Nooooooo!!! I forbid you from saying anything for me!!!”

Me: “Whoa, man. Let’s not command your sister.”

DM: “Why not? It’s important.”

Me: “Because if you ask politely, I’ll help you enforce it. If you shout commands, you’re on your own.”

DM: (deep thinking)

DM: “Can you please not blurt out details of my day?”

LMT: “Sure.”

Me: “There. Doesn’t that seem better?”

DM: “No. She’s a blurty blurter. I don’t think she’ll stop without a threat.”

Me: “Believe it or not, it’s not about her. It’s about how we treat people. You’ll get better results with polite requests.”

DM: (dubious look) “We’ll see.”

Stay Calm and Ask Mom

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(setting up workstation)

Me: “Oh, CRAP.”

Wonderful Wife: “What’s wrong dear?”

Me: “CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP”

WW: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “I have to setup my work PC so I can work from here but I can’t connect to wi-fi and my laptop isn’t’ connecting because wi-fi says Limited and I have to figure this out or I’ll have to drive home or something but the wi-fi is too weak so maybe I’ll setup on the back porch or maybe I have to go find a Starbucks but that really messes up my plans and this is just not working out and I think I’m going to lose my…”

WW: “OR… use the hard wired internet connection right here with this LAN cable hanging out of it.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “That could work.”