Category: Wisdom

Life is Fragile

VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

(front door opens)

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Dad, I found something walking home from the bus today.”

Me: “Yes, what’s that dear?”

LMT: “I found this.” (shoves leaf-wrapped and very dead mouse within inches of my face)

Me: “Oh my…”

LMT: “It was on the front porch. Last week we found a dead bird.”

Me: “Yeah, things die. We only live for a while, and animals live even shorter lives.”

LMT: (heavy sigh)

LMT: “We buried the bird in the yard, so I’m going to go bury the mouse, too.”

Me: “OK. If that’s what you want.”

LMT: “I think that’s what she would want.”

LMT: (walks out somberly)

Me: (to myself) “It doesn’t get any easier, kiddo.”

King Solomon on Laundry

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Me: “OK, OK… stop arguing. At this point, I don’t care who said what. I just need the hallway cleared. Is there — or is there not — stuff in the hallway between your rooms?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, then, who does it belong to?”

DM: “Not me.”

LMT: “Not me.”

Me: “Good! That makes it easy. Let’s gather it all up and give it to charity.”

DM: “I’ll do that right now!” (runs off)

LMT: “DON’T YOU DARE THROW AWAY MY THINGS!!!” (runs off)

Me: …

Me: “I win.”

Learning Experience

VeryVocalViking1 Comment

What my kids learned today:

1) That blinking red light means the engine is almost totally out of oil.

2) When stopping at a gas station to buy oil, always ask the cashier for a free paper funnel.

3) When carrying several oil bottles and a free paper funnel on a windy day, hold on tightly.

4) When the free paper funnel goes blowing across the parking lot and into the street, always send your son back inside to get another one so you don’t have to admit you dropped the first one.

5) After removing the engine oil cap, be careful to set it in a safe place. Never place it on the engine block.

6) When the oil cap slides off the engine block and down into the guts of the engine compartment, Daddy will say bad words.

7) It is very hard to dislodge an oil cap from the guts of an engine compartment, even with a very large Viking jumping up and down on the front bumper.

8) The residents of small Midwestern towns are not accustomed to seeing very large Vikings jumping up and down on bumpers.

9) In emergencies, you can jam a wad of paper towels into the oil cap hole and drive three blocks to Autozone.

10) A replacement oil cap costs $8.89, plus tax and a good bit of your pride.