Vendor Guy: “Everybody’s a winner! Spin the wheel, get a prize! Congratulations little lady… your spin landed on red. You can choose any item from that table.”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Anything? Really?”
Guy: “You bet, sweetie! Anything on the table.”
LMT: “I want that.” (points)
Guy: “No, not my iPad.”
LMT: “You said anything on the table.”
Guy: “Well, yeah… but… I meant… anything except the iPad.”
LMT: (long stare) “Then nevermind.” (walks away empty handed)
Happy 7th Wedding Anniversary to my amazing, beautiful, strong, talented, gracious, loving wife. She does such incredible things and works so hard and loves so deeply. She’s my rock and my hero. She puts me back together when I crumble, and challenges me when I’m complacent. She’s tender, and kind, and still a complete badass. She’s a saint and a maniac and the best mother ever. I’m damn lucky to have tricked her into falling for me.
Wonderful Wife, I love you more than you will ever understand.
(Chinese restaurant)
Boy at next table: “Don’t order tripe! It’s intestines from an animal!”
Older sister: “They clean it first. It doesn’t taste bad or anything.”
Boy: “But it came out of an animal.”
Sis: “It was dead. It didn’t care.”
Boy: “No one asked it first!”
Calm Mom: “Let’s talk about tofu options for you.”
Very Vocal Viking 