First and Last

Danger Monkey, boy age 9: (screech) (screech) (screech)

Me: “WHAT WHAT WHAT is that horrible noise you are making?”

DM: (slow blink)

DM: “I’m not sure but this may be the first of my dolphin super powers.”

That’s Not Right

(Dog farts.)

Me: “Dog, you stink.”

(Dog farts again)

Me: “Dog, if you don’t stop farting, I’m going to duct tape your butt closed.”

Boy: “Daddy, that’s not right. Don’t duct tape her butt closed!”

Boy leaves the room and comes back, holding up a circular object.

Boy: “Let’s use masking tape instead.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “When I grow up, I want to be 5’9″ and no more.”

Me: “That’s very… specific. Any reason why?”

DM: “I read that’s the average height of a High Elf.”

Me: “I support this.”