Adele You What

My Oldest, age 14: “It sort of surprises me that you’ve heard of Adele. But, I guess she’s been around for a really long time. Like, 2011.”

Breath

Me: “Brush your teeth, Keith. Then it’s off to bed, Fred.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “I already did.”

Me: “Go brush them.”

LMT: “I did!”

Me: “I’m serious. Brush your teeth.”

LMT: “BUT I ALREADY DID!”

Me: “Then let me smell your breath.”

LMT: “Fine.” (plods off to brush her teeth)

LMT: “I actually brushed them. Are you happy?”

Me: “That was the goal, yes.”

Me: “Listen to this sick beat.” (drumming on the steering wheel)

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Keep your hands firmly on the wheel at 10 and 2.”

Me: “Who are you, my mother?”

DM: “No, I just want you to not kill us.”

Me: “OK that’s valid. A little judgey, but valid.”