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Well, Actually

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Gas Station Cashier Dude: “Are you a LARPer?”

Me: “What? Me? Well, yes, actually I…”

Dude: “You look like a LARPER to me. Do you think LARP combat favors smaller people?”

Me: “Well, actually it does tend…”

Dude: “What are you, like 6’6″?”

Me: “6’4″ actually.”

Tiny high school girl in line behind me: “You seem a lot taller than 6’4″ to me.”

Dude: “Do you know martial arts?”

Girl: “Your hair makes you look taller.”

Me: “I need to go. Kids… car… leaving now…”

(awkward run-stumble to car, slam door behind me)

My Oldest, age 14: “Whats wrong?”

Me: “Remind me to never stop for gas in Martinsville. It’s an odd place.”

No VD For Me

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Me: “Where do we want to go to dinner tonight?”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I like Village Deli. I vote for VD.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “VD! VD! I want VD!”

Me: “You guys REALLY have to stop saying VD.”

DM: “Why? That’s the initials.”

Me: “I’ll explain later.”

DM: “When?”

Me: “When you’re older. Like 30.”

Lesson Learned

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Wonderful Wife: “What’s wrong, Honey?”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Those girls won’t let me be the Mommy.”

WW: “Well, playing is all about compromise. Even when you have employees, yes they technically have to do what you say, but you still try to compromise to keep everyone happy. And you definitely have to compromise when you’re playing.”

LMT: “OK.”

WW: “So do you know what you need to do?”

LMT: “Yes – I need to pay them so they have to do what I say.” (runs off)

WW: (slow blink) “That was NOT the lesson I was going for.”