I can’t decide which is my favorite part of breakfast at a small country diner – the rustic home fries, the unbelievably fluffy pancakes, or the big table of racist old dudes loudly discussing how brilliant Trump is.
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Sarcasm
Danger Monkey, age 9: “You say a lot of things you don’t actually mean.”
Me: “It’s called sarcasm. Learn it now because our family lives on it.”
DM: “That doesn’t make sense. Also, can we pull over? I have to go really bad.”
Me: “We just left a restaurant! We have like 20 minutes until we get home.”
DM: “Crap.”
Me: “Not in my car you don’t. Also, don’t say crap.”
DM: “You say it a lot.”
Me: “Yes, but I’m 45 with a beard and a job.”
DM: “What does a beard have to do with it?”
Me: “Because I’m an authority figure.”
DM: “Sure you are.”
(pause)
DM: “That was sarcasm.”
Me: “I know.”
(pause)
Me: “I’m proud of you.”
DM: “I know.”
Educational
Watching E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial with the kids. Because I’m a good parent. It’s held up better than I thought. Pretty timeless. The kids are entranced.
Very Vocal Viking 