Me: “Give it up.”

Large Institutional TP dispenser: “No.”

Me: “I just want some TP. You’re a TP dispenser. So, dispense already.”

TPD: “No.”

Me: “C’mon, I’ve spun this roll all the way around twelve times, both ways. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to even…”

TPD: “No.”

Me: “Look, I’m just a guy trying to get back to his work week. Let’s get this over with, and move on with our lives. I’m not asking for much. Frankly, I’ve been quite reasonable. Now… Give. Me. The. TP!”

TPD: “No.”

Me: (pause) “OK… please?”

TPD: (long pause) “No.”

Me: “You have one job! ONE JOB!!!”