So complimentary

Danger Monkey, age 7, crawling and snarling: “If I was a cheetah, I would eat you. You have lots of meat.”

Me: “Uh… Thank you? I think.”

Charging

Me: “You are not in charge of your brother.”

Little Miss Thing, age 5: “I know I’m not in charge. I just tell him things to do. And he has to do them.”

Woman with young daughter sits at table behind me at lunch. The little girl is probably 4 years old.

Tiny Girl: “Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?”

Mom: (face pales) “Sir, I am so sorry. I am SO sorry.”

Me: “I’m a daddy, but I have really long hair.”

Mom: “Sir, I am so sorry. She didn’t mean it. I am SO sorry.”

TG: “I like your hair.”

Me: “Thank you. I like my hair, too.”

(we go back to eating)

Mom looks like she’s going to pass out.

NOTE: Lighten up, people. Everyone is different and kids have questions. Just answer them as directly as you can and move on.