Around here, holiday cards tend to include secret codes. Which I think is awesome, because codes are cool, and partly because it looks like the bunny is swearing.
Category: Things My Kids Say
Career Coach
My Oldest, age 15: “I’ve decided I want to have my own business when I grow up.”
Me: “That’s a great goal. Why are you driving so slowly here? It’s 55. You can go faster.”
Oldest: “I’m not sure what type of business yet.”
Me: “There’s plenty of time to choose an area of expertise. Careful… Careful… The road gets really narrow up ahead.”
Oldest: “Maybe I’ll go to business school.”
Me: “Watch out for that guy in that little red car… OH NICE TURN SIGNAL JERK FACE!!!”
Oldest: “Are you OK? You’re not even the one driving.”
Me: “Whatever. You know, I’ve always dreamed of owning my own business.”
Oldest: “Really?”
Me: “Maybe I’ll open a driving school for all these bad drivers.”
Oldest: “I… uh… I don’t think that’s suited to your skillset.”
Blurty Blurter
Wonderful Wife: “How was school today, Son?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “He went to the…”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Nooooooo!!! I forbid you from saying anything for me!!!”
Me: “Whoa, man. Let’s not command your sister.”
DM: “Why not? It’s important.”
Me: “Because if you ask politely, I’ll help you enforce it. If you shout commands, you’re on your own.”
DM: (deep thinking)
DM: “Can you please not blurt out details of my day?”
LMT: “Sure.”
Me: “There. Doesn’t that seem better?”
DM: “No. She’s a blurty blurter. I don’t think she’ll stop without a threat.”
Me: “Believe it or not, it’s not about her. It’s about how we treat people. You’ll get better results with polite requests.”
DM: (dubious look) “We’ll see.”
Very Vocal Viking 