Category: Things My Kids Say

Location, Location, Location

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Me: “How was your role playing game?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Awesome! In the game I built a giant robot that’s 45 stories tall and I can make it do anything from the control room in his head.”

Me: “Cool. How do you get to a control room that’s 45 stories up?”

DM: “It has stairs inside.”

Me: “Wow! What a climb.”

DM: “It’s OK. I installed a lemonade stand about half way up.”

Me: “That’s — very creative.”

DM: “It also serves hot chocolate and Caprese salad.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “You’re a pretty amazing guy, you know?”

DM: “Yeah, I know.”

She’s Colorful

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(at restaurant, waiting for food)

Me: “Hey Honey, I bought ice cream earlier so we can have dessert at home tonight.”

Wonderful Wife: “Not until after chores. This one has lots of chores tonight, right kiddo?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: (intently coloring place mat)

WW: “Someone put off all her chores until the last minute. Isn’t that right, young lady?”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Me: “Did you not hear your Mom speaking to you?”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Me: “She probably didn’t hear about the ice cream, either.”

LMT: “Of course I heard the part about ice cream. I’m only sitting like two feet away from you.”

Me: “So, you also heard the part about chores.”

LMT: (intently coloring place mat)

Stuffed

VeryVocalViking1 Comment

(at dinner table)

Wonderful Wife: “You need to use your fork on the spaghetti, not your fingers. We don’t eat with our hands.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Nope.”

WW: “That wasn’t a question. A better response would be, ‘Yes, Mama’.”

LMT: “No. I don’t feel like it.”

WW: (glaring)

Me: “That was strike two. If you don’t respond appropriately to your mother, there will be serious consequences.”

LMT: “Like what?”

Me: “Like… losing all your electronics for a day.”

LMT: “I don’t care.”

Me: “OK, wiseguy. How about losing electronics for a week?”

LMT: “I don’t care.”

(pause)

Me: “Hmmm. Then I guess I’ll have to take away that new stuffed animal you bought last…”

LMT: “Sorry, Mama. I won’t do it again.”