Category: Road Trips

Pancake Panic

VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

(sits down at hotel restaurant)

Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”

(still standing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”

Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”

DM: “Meh.”

LMT: “I hate this place.”

Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”

DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”

LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”

Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”

(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)

Me: “… syrup.”

Los Pies De Papá Apestan

VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Are we home yet?”

Me: “Almost. Maybe an hour.”

LMT: “I’m bored.”

Wonderful Wife: “Here’s an app called Duolingo. You can learn Spanish.”

LMT: “I don’t want to learn Spanish. I’m bored.”

WW: “Probably best. If you learned Spanish, you and your sister could speak Spanish together.”

Me: “Yeah, you better not learn Spanish. You two could say things like ‘Daddy’s Feet Stink’ in Spanish and I wouldn’t even know it.”

LMT: “Give me that!” (evil laughter)

(30 minutes later)

LMT: “I’m now 3% fluent in Spanish. Soy una niña. That means ‘I’m a girl’.”

Me: “Yep. You sure tricked us. Better not learn any more Spanish.”

LMT: (evil laughter)

Montgomery Biscuits

VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

Me: “So, we’ll be in Montgomery around dinner time. Surely there’s somewhere fun and local we can eat?”

Wonderful Wife: “Hmm… this app shows what’s along our route. It looks like all chain restaurants. Oh, wait, this sounds great. What do you think of trying The Montgomery Biscuits?”

Me: “Uh, yeah! That sounds exactly like the type of awesome Southern food I was hoping to find! ”

WW: “Oh, and they even scored a 4.8 out of 5.0.”

Me: “WOW! We are totally eating there! Wait… better check their hours. They may close early on Sundays.”

WW: “Good idea. I’m Googling it right now… and…”

(hysterical laughter)

Me: “Are you OK, Honey? What’s wrong?”

WW: “We might want to keep looking. The Montgomery Biscuits is the minor league baseball team.”

Me: (slow blink)