Stalling

November 7, 2016November 10, 2016 VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

From the Back Stall, Men’s Room, Newark Int’l Airport, Monday 7:47 PM.

Little Kid: “Ewww. Water’s everywhere.”

Tired Dad: “Ignore it. Remember, don’t touch anything. Nothing.”

LK: “What’s this?”

TD: “WHAT? I JUST SAID… I just said don’t touch anything!”

LK: “It’s wet.”

TD: “NO! I… uh… just stand still. We’ll wash your hands as soon as we get out.”

(long pause)

TD: “WAIT! NO! DON’T… aww, man… don’t touch your face. Please don’t touch your face. Oh God, your mom’s gonna kill me. I’m dead. I’m dead. Wait. No. It’s OK, we’ll just… YOU MUST STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE.”

(long pause)

LK: “My nose itches.”

TD: (loud sigh)

TD: “You’re getting booster shots tomorrow.”

The Guy Rules

October 25, 2016November 1, 2016 VeryVocalVikingLeave a comment

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Let’s use this locker so we’ll be close to the pool.”

Me: “No, it’s not polite to choose a locker next to the only naked stranger in the whole locker room.”

(naked stranger laughs)

… (later) …

DM: “Dad, why did that guy laugh?”

Me: “Because every guy learned all the unwritten locker room rules from his Dad, so it’s funny to hear some other kid learning them. It’s a happy memory.”

DM: “There are more rules?”

Me: “So many rules.”

DM: “I didn’t know locker rooms were so complicated.”

Me: “Oh yeah, locker rooms are one of the most complicated places on the planet.”

DM: “Ugh.”

Me: “I agree.”