I’ll Take a Shot

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Why are we taking down all our glasses?”

Me: “Mom’s renovating the kitchen counter tops, so we need to move all the stuff out of here.”

LMT: “Why?”

Me: “So all our stuff doesn’t get dusty.”

LMT: “What are those?’

Me: “Wine glasses.”

LMT: “What are they for?”

Me: “Drinking wine.”

LMT: “Why are they so round?”

Me: “Well, I’m not totally sure, but I read once that the curved shape allows the smell to concentrate, which helps it taste better while you drink it slowly and savor it.”

LMT: “What are those?”

Me: “Champagne flutes.”

LMT: “Why are they so long and straight?”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because champagne is bubbly and you tend to just drink small amounts.”

LMT: “What are those?”

Me: “What? Oh, these are shot glasses.”

LMT: “What are those for?”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “These are for when you’re only going to drink a tiny bit because you know it’s not healthy to drink too much alcohol.”

LMT: “I like those. I want to drink out of those.”

Me: “Not ’til college.”

 

 

Beefy

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Your beef stew is delicious, but it has too many vegetables.”

Me: “Vegetables are part of the soup. It’s yummy. Eat up.”

DM: “This should be called Vegetable Soup with a tiny bit of beef.”

Me: “Actually, wiseguy, it’s got plenty of…”

DM: “I’m going to make Beef Stew that’s just one kernel of corn and the rest is beef and delicious broth.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “As your father I’m supposed to correct you, but I would totally eat that.”

Totally My Fault

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can we order dessert?”

Me: “Uh, no. This meal is not nutritious enough already. I got wings, you got chicken fingers, he ordered a cheeseburger, and we’re all eating fries.”

LMT: “Pretty please?”

Me: “No, you ordered lemonade. That’s basically a dessert.  Also, we have ice cream at home. I mean, look — none of us have eaten anything even resembling a fruit or veggie tonight.”

(long pause)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “What if we order some fruits and veggies? Then can we get dessert?”

Me: “This is not that kind of place. They don’t even sell fruits and veggies.”

LMT: “Well, it is called Buffalo Wild Wings, not Veggie Palace. You should have known better when you brought us here.”

Me: …