Pancake Panic

(sits down at hotel restaurant)

Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”

(still standing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”

Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”

DM: “Meh.”

LMT: “I hate this place.”

Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”

DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”

LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”

Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”

(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)

Me: “… syrup.”

Memorization

(dials phone)

Hostess: “Good evening, this is Fancy Restaurant. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I was there earlier this evening and I’m wondering if I may have accidentally left an item there.”

Hostess: “Oh, I’m so sorry for your inconvenience, sir. I’ll be happy to assist you in any way I can. Do you remember the name of your server?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not sure. Maybe it was… Amy?”

Hostess: “Hmm… Could it have been Teresa?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Hostess: “Maybe it was Sarah?”

Me: “Maybe, I guess. I’m really not sure. But, you know, she’ll probably remember me. I was the 6’4″ Viking wearing a kilt.”

Hostess: (laughter) “Oh yes… we all remember you.” (laughter)

(hugging)

Me: “I love you. You are strong, smart, and beautiful.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Good. You are too.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m very proud of you.”

LMT: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Good.”

(long pause)

LMT: “My favorite dessert is cheesecake. I thought you should know that.”

Me: “Noted.”