Sippy Cider

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Can I have apple cider?”

Me: “Wouldn’t you rather have something more substantial? This is the only snack you’ll get before dinner.”

LMT: “I really really really want apple cider!”

Me: “OK, if it’s that important to you, sure. Have cider.”

LMT: (tiny drink) “I can’t drink this.”

Me: “Hey, that’s expensive cider!”

LMT: “I tasted germs.”

Me: “No one can taste germs.”

LMT: “I can. It’s my superpower.”

Me: “You have many amazing powers, but I don’t think that’s one.”

LMT: “It is! It really is.”

Me: “OK, sure. Go play. I’ll drink your cider.”

LMT: (runs off)

Me: (looks sideways at glass of cider) “I’m not drinking that.”

Treet & Rutherford

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Why do you call us different names all the time?”

Me: “They’re just silly nicknames.”

LMT: “Why do they change every day?”

Me: “OK, how about permanent nicknames. You are now… Treet, the magical puppy.”

LMT: “Yay!”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I’m a telekinetic cat.”

Me: “No, I have to give it to you.”

DM: “Then make me a telekinetic cat.”

Me: “No, your name is… Rutherford… and you are a… telekinetic… uh… turnip.”

DM: “Can I be a shape-changing telekinetic turnip?”

Me: “Yes, you are now a shape-changing, telekinetic turnip named Rutherford.”

DM: “I change into a cat.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “Son, you may be better at this game than I am.”

Me: “Here, throw this away.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: (reads the box) “No way! That’s recyclable!”

Me: “Sure, but it’s smeared with a ton of food. No one is going to wash that just so we can recycle it.”

DM: “I will.”

Me: “Really? You will?”

DM: “It’s good for the environment, which you don’t care about.”

DM: (washes box and recycles it)

Me: “You win. You care more about the environment than I do.”