Danger Monkey, age 10: “What are you doing?”
Me: “I’m making a dry rub.”
DM: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s a yummy mix of brown sugar and some spices that I’ll be literally rubbing onto a rack of ribs here in a couple minutes.”
DM: “Whoa, ribs for dinner! Cool!”
Me: “Wanna help make the ribs? I’ll teach you everything I know.”
DM: “Nah, but I’ll help eat it. I already know how how to do that.”
Me: “Did you enjoy the gaming convention last weekend?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes! I love gaming conventions!”
Me: “Really? Aw, that’s awesome. That makes your geeky Dad’s heart just melt with happiness! What was your favorite part?”
LMT: “All the pancakes.”
(sits down at hotel restaurant)
Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”
(still standing)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”
Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”
DM: “Meh.”
LMT: “I hate this place.”
Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”
DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”
LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”
Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”
(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)
Me: “… syrup.”
Very Vocal Viking 