Danger Monkey, age 9: “I don’t like tofu.”
Me: “You love edamame, and tofu is just edamame that’s been mushed up into bars. Plus there are peanuts and peppers and broccoli… you won’t even notice the tofu.”
DM: “I guess I’ll try it.”
(SNARF)
Me: “Well, you’re eating it pretty fast. What’s your favorite part?”
DM: “The tofu.”
9 year old boy: “WHOA… your Dad is a GIANT.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “Yeah. It’s not really a big deal.”
Boy: “Uhhh… it’s literally a big deal.”
DM: “You get used to it.”
Me: “Give it up.”
Large Institutional TP dispenser: “No.”
Me: “I just want some TP. You’re a TP dispenser. So, dispense already.”
TPD: “No.”
Me: “C’mon, I’ve spun this roll all the way around twelve times, both ways. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to even…”
TPD: “No.”
Me: “Look, I’m just a guy trying to get back to his work week. Let’s get this over with, and move on with our lives. I’m not asking for much. Frankly, I’ve been quite reasonable. Now… Give. Me. The. TP!”
TPD: “No.”
Me: (pause) “OK… please?”
TPD: (long pause) “No.”
Me: “You have one job! ONE JOB!!!”
Very Vocal Viking 