(dinner table)
Me: “I have a chore for someone.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Not me.”
Me: “It’s kind of important.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “What is it?”
Me: “My email tells me a special package for Mom has been delivered to our mailbox. I’m hoping one of you will go get…”
DM: “I’ll get it!” (runs out front door)
Me: “… it after dinner.”
Me: …
LMT: “He didn’t even finish dinner.”
Me: “Your brother has no chill.”
LMT: “No chill at all.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Dad, why did the Easter Bunny leave the Easter eggs?”
Me: “Actually, it’s an interesting history. Easter originated as a pagan holiday that was appropriated from ancient worship of Oester, goddess of fertility. Her symbols included rabbits and eggs, which has morphed into the odd concept we know today as the Easter Bunny.”
DM: “Nope. The correct answer is because the Easter Chicken was too chicken.”
Me: …
Me: “Oh, so you were making a joke.”
DM: “Yeah, and you were WAY OFF.”
Me: …
LMT: “Can I play that game on your phone?”
Me: “No, we’re at Grandma’s house to see Grandma, not play on phones.”
LMT: “I want to play that app.”
Me: “Let’s try the app called ‘Talk To Grandma’.”
LMT: (waves at Grandma) “Hi.”
Grandma: “Oh hello, Honey. What classes are you taking in…”
LMT: (looks at me) “Can I play on your phone now?”
Very Vocal Viking 