Me: “Did you enjoy the gaming convention last weekend?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes! I love gaming conventions!”
Me: “Really? Aw, that’s awesome. That makes your geeky Dad’s heart just melt with happiness! What was your favorite part?”
LMT: “All the pancakes.”
(sits down at hotel restaurant)
Me: “Good news kids, today you get to experience the majestic grandeur of a hotel breakfast buffet.”
(still standing)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are we eating HERE?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t like it here.”
Me: “Give it a chance. It’s pretty awesome. I mean, they have lots of bacon.”
DM: “Meh.”
LMT: “I hate this place.”
Me: “You guys need to be more open to new experiences. You’ll discover cool new things.”
DM: “Can we go somewhere else?”
LMT: “I’ll just sit here and draw pictures. When you’re done, you can take me somewhere else.”
Me: “Oh, did I mention they have unlimited pancakes and…”
(two child-shaped dust clouds appear where children used to be)
Me: “… syrup.”
(dials phone)
Hostess: “Good evening, this is Fancy Restaurant. How may I help you?”
Me: “Hi. I was there earlier this evening and I’m wondering if I may have accidentally left an item there.”
Hostess: “Oh, I’m so sorry for your inconvenience, sir. I’ll be happy to assist you in any way I can. Do you remember the name of your server?”
Me: “Sorry, I’m not sure. Maybe it was… Amy?”
Hostess: “Hmm… Could it have been Teresa?”
Me: “Possibly.”
Hostess: “Maybe it was Sarah?”
Me: “Maybe, I guess. I’m really not sure. But, you know, she’ll probably remember me. I was the 6’4″ Viking wearing a kilt.”
Hostess: (laughter) “Oh yes… we all remember you.” (laughter)
Very Vocal Viking 