Me: “I love you. You are strong, smart, and beautiful.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Good. You are too.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m very proud of you.”

LMT: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Good.”

(long pause)

LMT: “My favorite dessert is cheesecake. I thought you should know that.”

Me: “Noted.”

Los Pies De Papá Apestan

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Are we home yet?”

Me: “Almost. Maybe an hour.”

LMT: “I’m bored.”

Wonderful Wife: “Here’s an app called Duolingo. You can learn Spanish.”

LMT: “I don’t want to learn Spanish. I’m bored.”

WW: “Probably best. If you learned Spanish, you and your sister could speak Spanish together.”

Me: “Yeah, you better not learn Spanish. You two could say things like ‘Daddy’s Feet Stink’ in Spanish and I wouldn’t even know it.”

LMT: “Give me that!” (evil laughter)

(30 minutes later)

LMT: “I’m now 3% fluent in Spanish. Soy una niña. That means ‘I’m a girl’.”

Me: “Yep. You sure tricked us. Better not learn any more Spanish.”

LMT: (evil laughter)

Veggie Brief

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Mom, why are you a vegetarian?”

Wonderful Wife: “It’s a long story.”

LMT: “Tell me the whole thing.”

WW: “I don’t like the taste of meat.”

LMT: “That wasn’t a long story. That was only one sentence.”

WW: “It’s the short version.”