Me: “What two servings of veggie or fruit are you having with dinner? I’ll let you choose.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’ll have carrots and ranch.”
Me: “And what else?”
LMT: “That’s two things.”
Me: “Ranch is not a veggie. Try again.”
LMT: “OK, then grape jelly. Grapes are fruit.”
Me: “Nope. Try again.”
LMT: “I want some… Coffee. It comes from beans.”
Me: “Absolutely not.”
LMT: “You never let me do what I want.”
Me: “Hey, it’s really cold. What is taking so long to get into the car?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I dropped my book. I think while taking off all my weapons.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “How many weapons do you have?”
DM: “My elven sword and my bow. But don’t worry, I don’t have any arrows.”
Me: “I love you, dude.”
DM: “Whatever.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Are you making that sandwich that’s all the gross things mixed up and named after a guy?”
Me: “Yes, this is a Reuben. It’s very delicious.”
DM: “It’s disgusting! How can you eat that?”
Me: “Sorry you feel that way.”
DM: “So gross.”
Me: “Hey, more for me. And if you don’t like it, that’s fine but I’m going to ask that you don’t sit there making fun of my sandwich.”
DM: (long pause)
DM: “Can I have some?”
Very Vocal Viking 