Wonderful Wife: “Please rub my arm. I think I may have pulled a bicep muscle.”

Me: (rubbing arm)

WW: “ow ow ow it hurts ow it hurts I’m going to pass out I’m going to pass out I’m going to punch you in the face and then I’m going to pass out.”

Me: “You get very violent when you’re in pain.”

WW: “Actually, I always want to punch something. The fact that I haven’t punched you yet is very remarkable.”

Me: (slow blink) “You really should write Hallmark cards.”

WW: “I really should.”